Setting Priorities

Shapiro, who is chairman of the Department of Counseling Psychology at Santa Clara University, says it's crucial to be honest with yourself when setting priorities. "The way to make a huge mistake is to be unaware of your personal values or to fight against them. If you feel your career is No. 1 and your children are No. 2, but you try to force your children into No. 1, it will only make you resent them."

It's also important to realize you don't have to choose a single top priority for all time, Shapiro says. While your children and your career cannot be the top priority simultaneously, they can each have a turn as No. 1. Shapiro says this is the key point for working parents who hope to have it all. "It is impossible to have it all at any one snapshot in time. If you live a reasonably long and good life, you can have it all—but you can't have it all right now."

Ruano understands this. To make her baby a priority in the present, she decided to "slow down on the climb up the corporate ladder." She says becoming a mom hasn't changed her career goals, only "the timeframe to reach those goals." She's confident putting her baby first now won't hurt her career in the long run—in fact, she says parenthood has made her better at her job. "I think it has helped me tremendously in being able to analyze ideas or projects at work in different ways, giving me a much better perspective."

Sorting out your priorities is a crucial step in navigating life as a working parent, Shapiro says. Other essentials include finding reliable child care and honing your time-management skills.